I'm currently in my semester break, which lasts quite a while, and I had all these plans in my head, all the stuff I would do during the holidays, to make it a productive one.
But do you know what usually happens in my holidays?
Almost all plans never work out. Except the odd one or two. But the rest? They remain as plans in my head, to be done the next time because things happened this time; because there wasn't enough time; because I don't have all the right material. I spent most of my time watching movies, dramas, maybe reading the a few books, spending the day out, but mostly lots of lazing around doing nothing. Don't get me wrong, I did enjoy the the things I did when they lasted, but somehow, they don't give me the accomplishment of having actually done something. I feel like I've done something but nothing at the same time.
I guess I might be a bit maudlin, but for someone who wanted to do so much, I do so little and I sometimes wonder if I'm ever going to do them at all. I want to and yet I don't. I tell myself this is it, I'm going to do it this time and yet it never happens. And the entire process repeats itself again the next semester break.
I should break this cycle. Like, I actually should.
"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans"
- John Lennon